Filk - The Fithp Invasion Song

by Carol Phillips and Judy Craft

This is a filk. It may be sung to the tune of "Banned from Argo" by Leslie Fish. The words are based on the book "Footfall" by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle, and they are a spoiler for the book, so if you haven't read it and don't like spoilers, please go no further.

Blanket permission has been given by the authors to reproduce this song, with attribution.

Final Version

We came into Terran space to land and colonize.
We told the humans to submit so few would have to die.
We had high expectations of an easy victory;
We had high ground, and most of all, the best technology.

Oh, We're banned from Terra evermore,
Banned from Terra just for starting a little war.
We gave to them the option to surrender and not die,
But Terra doesn't want us, wonder why?

Our invasion plans were simple: we decided to bombard,
With all those asteroids around, it wasn't very hard
To knock out bridges, airports, roads, and certain factories.
It wouldn't take us very long to bring them to their knees.

Oh, We're banned from Terra evermore,
Banned from Terra just for starting a little war.
We scoured near-Earth space for rocks most suited to our need.
To stand against us they'd be fools indeed.
We sent jump troops to Kansas, where we won the Jayhawk war.

This was just the first step but it opened up the door.
We captured members of their herd to study them alive.
We knew we had to learn their tricks before our plans could thrive.

Oh, We're banned from Terra evermore,
Banned from Terra just for starting a little war.
A human would submit to us then turn around and fight;
To keep them down would take all of our might.
Who could fight a herd of rogues? Who would even try?
How did they work together? How did they learn to fly?

They learned to build atomic bombs, a miracle it seems.
For Rogues to thus cooperate is way beyond our dreams.

Oh, We're banned from Terra evermore,
Banned from Terra just for starting a little war.
We made the trip from Saturn 'cause we wanted better land.
On human nature we had never planned.
We had no real conception of their ingenuity,
They seemed to have no honor, they were filled with treachery.
They hid their bombs in hospitals; in many ways they lied.

And when they launched Archangel, defeat was in their sky.

Oh, We're banned from Terra evermore,
Banned from Terra just for starting a little war.
We thought it would be easy, but it turned out really poor.
There's no room for us on Terra anymore.
We finally knew that we had lost, we gave in to our fate.
The Archangel was closing fast; it soon would be too late.
We gave their leaders promise of an interstellar drive,
If they would please just let us go, and leave this place alive.

Oh, We're banned from Terra evermore,
Banned from Terra just for starting a little war.
'Cause the humans, they defeated us in just three months or four,
We cannot stay on Terra anymore.
What a shame!