The standard Grog response would be:
"You feel a crystalline certainty that left is the direction we say it is"
The standard Kzin response is
"Die, ambidextrous monkey-beast"
The standard puppeteer response is
"Adopting our definition of left will be profitable to you"
The standard Outsider response is (of course)
"Knowledge of true left can be purchased for 1 trillion stars..."
"You only have *two* alternatives, and you're complaining about it?"
Though of course left would turn out to be whatever direction Teela
guessed it would be.
You forgot the Pak:
"Which definition of 'left' will benefit my descendents."
If you can think of any more; email the webmasters with your suggestions.