The Larry Niven Carol and Song Page

...or Merry Xmas from Nesssus

Below are Niven variations to some classic Christmas carols.  Variations of popular tunes by fans are called Filks. All these carols (except "Somewhere over the Ringworld") were originally posted to the larryniven-l mailing list.

All carols, except "Somewhere over Ringworld" were written by Frank W. Moore, in a moment of insanity, and are reproduced with permission.

Dashing to the Core and We Wish you a Merry Holiday were provided by Carol Phillips.

Have Yourself a Larry Niven Christmas Lyrics

by Bill Goodwin

(Sung to the tune of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas")

  • (First Verse)
  • Have yourself a Larry Niven Christmas
  • Break the speed of light
  • Hope no quantum blackhole
  • sucks you out of sight
  • (Second Verse)
  • Have yourself a Larry Niven Christmas
  • Watch that star-tide, Bey!
  • Now the Puppeteers
  • have all flown far away...
  • (Bridge)
  • They fled from all the novas with
  • their home planet and
  • four more
  • We won't listen, so maybe men
  • are the cowards at
  • the core
  • (Last Verse)
  • One day we will all be back together
  • in Magellan's clouds,
  • drinking Grog-nog with our heads attatched to drouds!
  • So have yourself a Larry Niven Christmas now!

We Wish you a Merry Holiday

  • We wish you a Merry Holiday
  • We wish you a Merry Holiday
  • We wish you a Merry Holiday
  • Whatever you believe
  • Good tidings to Wu
  • To you and your Kzin
  • Good tidings to your Pak
  • And Sane Puppeteers
  • {repeat}

Walking 'round in Kzin Wunderland

(sung to Walking in a Winter Wonderland)

  • Fellow humans!
  • Are ya lis-nen?
  • On the lam
  • From the Kzin
  • We're rebels who shout
  • As we hide out
  • Walking 'round in Kzin Wunderland
  • Can't beat'em
  • Won't join'em
  • Fightin' back
  • It really floors'em
  • Called Earth for some help
  • But we're all by ourselves
  • Running 'round in Kzin Wunderland
  • Later we'll be buildin' up a dung heap
  • And we'll title it the Patriarch
  • Kzinti tempers will be a-blowin'
  • When we stick it in a Kzin Hunting Park
  • Now we're pets
  • So they tell us
  • Or a meal
  • If they fell us
  • Our day will come
  • And the Kzin we'll shun
  • Hiding out in Human Wunderland

Dashing to the Core

  • Dashing to the Core
  • On a Hyperdrive Type 2
  • Things are getting Bright
  • Radiation Blue
  • Saw the Core Blown up
  • Around I turned the Ship
  • In 20K or so Earth years
  • We'll all be in deep shit
  • Ohhhhhhhhhh,
  • Bey Schaffer, Bey Schaffer
  • I told the Puppeteers
  • Oh Boy, I was sure surprised
  • They said "we're outta here!"
  • Humanity, Humanity
  • Worry ain't our thing
  • We will all just run and hide
  • On the World that is a Ring

Speaker the Bright Orange Kzin

(sing to Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer). 
(The children's responses are shown in parentheses)

  • Speaker the Orange "rat-cat"
  • Had a very public shame (like bed wetting)
  • Speaker to Animals, he
  • Didn't really have a name (like George)
  • All of the other Kzinti
  • Used to laugh and give him blame (nyah, nyah)
  • They wouldn't play with Speaker
  • 'Cause he had no real name
  • But soon after his Ringworld trip
  • The Patriarch did say
  • Speaker with your strength and might
  • Won't you take a name tonight?
  • Then how the Kzinti loved him (leaf eaters!)
  • And they shouted out with glee (they'd better!)
  • Speaker, the Bright Orange "rat-cat"
  • You're forever known as Chmeee

Deck the Halls

>
  • Deck the halls with ears of Foes
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
  • In a pinch use pelts and toes
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
  • We Kzinti cheer for domination
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
  • Hiss, spat, roar what once was yours is now our nation
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
  • Conquer all our tempers a'fumin
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
  • That is, except for Wu and humans
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah,nyah, nyah
  • Slaves help make you refined and urban
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
  • Hiss, spat, roar  what once was yours is now our nation
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
  • And are great to eat with a bottle of burbon
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
  • Scream and leap a fight to start
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
  • Unless a puppeteer kicks your heart out
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
  • So we've learn to fight and what to fix
  • Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah